Posted by: Santa Barbara Dreaming | November 9, 2008

Girls VS Boys

First off, I would like to say “thanks!” to everyone who gave me advice about the housemate situation. It cheered me up and gave me a bit more courage to deal with it assertively if it ever happens again. 

I just have a difficult time asserting myself sometimes. Especially involving other girls. Dealing with girls can be a sensitive issue sometimes, because as a whole, we tend to be more passive aggressive, and get easily upset and hold grudges. From my own observations, I feel like guys have an easier time confronting each other. For example;

Ron: Dude, clean this sh!t up, it’s f***ing dirty in here.
Jon: Chill out dude, I’ll do it later, ok?
Ron: No you won’t. It’s been like this for a week. Get off your lazy ass
Jon: Damn it, fine. (Gets off couch and throws away a couple empty beer bottles) There, you happy?
Ron: Thanks bro.
Jon: Hey you wanna play some (insert name of video game here)
Ron: yeah! 

Guys can just be direct. And they don’t get offended by foul language, and after a confrontation, they are still buddies. Here is the same situation between two girls (scenario that I’ve OFTEN seen repeated)

Rosie notices Sue hasn’t done the dishes in a week. She is very frustrated. So she goes to her other friend Sally to complain about Sue, behind her back.
Rosie: gosh, I can’t believe Sue is so dirty! She spends like, an hour a day on her makeup but she can’t even spend 5 minutes cleaning up her own dishes! I’m so annoyed!
Sally: Really? That’s so nasty! She seems like such a sweet girl though… but you know, I think you’re right. She wears REALLY short skirts when she goes out, like, who is she trying to impress? She looks hideous in it anyway. I think she just puts on a show like she’s all pretty and sweet and stuff.
Rosie: OMG, totally. She’s so annoying.

Rosie goes home, gives Sue intense stink eye, and exclaims “Ugh, I hate how dirty it is in here!” to no particular person, and continues to not talk to Sue for the next 12 hours, or until she decides she needs to borrow a pair of Sue’s shoes. 

I know this is kind of an exaggeration, but I’ve lived with enough girls and guys to know how they typically react in these types of situations. I know some girls are assertive, and I know not all girls talk about their friends behind their backs. But I’m sure you can relate to at least some of the two scenarios I just described. 

Why is that, I wonder? I mean, girls can be SO Good at supporting each other, cheering each other on, and being there for each other. (I mean, I love my girlfriends, they are AMAZZZZING!) Yet, we often struggle with being direct to each other, and asking exactly what we want from each other, especially if it involves a confrontation. Why can’t we just say, “hey, clean your sh!t up!” and not be offended by it? It would make life so much more simple…. 

Now please don’t get me wrong. I’m not writing this to condemn girl-kind, or propose that we need to change. It was just a thought process that went through my head, and made me stop and think. Where do these differences arise from? The way we are socialized? Is it biological? Or hormonal?…. What would change if girls started becoming more assertive and direct?

Do you have any thoughts on this topic? Or am I totally missing the point?


True girlfriends are like treasures!

True girlfriends are like treasures!



  1. Haha, my sister has made that exact point… albeit not quite so eloquently:

    “I have a hard time getting [her boyfriend] to do things because I just sort of suggest it and figure he’ll get the hint; but he told me that he’s a guy and won’t get it. From now on I’m supposed to say ‘Hey you dick, do the dishes!'”

    I think that when it’s an item like food or something else that’s monetary you really do deserve to assert yourself and have people show you respect!

    I agree about Thursday, it seemed like no one was around- definitely weird.

    Also, I added you to my blogroll- now it’s So much easier to see when you update and get sweet workout moves 😉 (def. did some reverse crunches today again, ouch!). Is that alright?

    Hope your weekend’s going well- let us know what happens with the roomies!

  2. Haha, I love the story about your sister’s boyfriend! “hey, you dick, do the dishes!” LMAO. I don’t know if I could ever be so direct! 🙂
    I’m psyched you added me to your blogroll! I’ll try and post some more exercises soon!

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